Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Sandy Claws

Today was slightly better than yesterday.

I fell asleep at 4 a.m. instead of 5.
But that's mostly because Blake and I decided that we needed to watch the new episode of "Heroes"
At 3:15.
But we didn't eat pizza this time. Just some ice cream.

And when I finally opened my eyes this morning, I was greeted with yummy treats from the grocery store that were vegan AND surprisingly low in fat, courtesy of the awesomeness that is 3kalb (Gramma, that's what Blake calls himself in the blogging/video game/MySpace world. Because he's just that cool.) I think we were both a little impressed with his achievement of this new awesomeness standard. Next time, I expect water in to wine. Work on it.

In other news, my tire is still flat and my (Janie's) car is still sitting in the parking lot. BUT I am calling AAA tomorrow morning so they can remedy the situation. Or at least change the spare. That way we (and by we, I of course mean Blake) don't have to.
I am currently accepting donations for a new car.
Or life.

I solved a huge mystery tonight.
As long as I've had finger nails, I've been chewing them off for reasons only Satan can tell you. Don't get me wrong; I chew on other things, too. Gum, pens, my lower lip, the ears of my enemies... I believe our good friend Mr. Freud would refer to this as an "oral fixation" (I think I'm just really hungry). I've since made an attempt to move on to other objects of mastication, such as Tootsie Rolls.
So anyway, I bite my nails.
Gross and revolting, I know.
But as of late I've been pretty good about letting them grow, partially due to the fact that I don't really have anything better to do than paint them.
I love being an adult.
And tonight, I broke one of those nails. So naturally, I had to file it down. But then I noticed that it was a drastically different length than the other ones, so I had to even the rest of them out. For the sake of aesthetics, of course. Boredom had no part in this.
And I was clipping these nails that I had refused to bite for so long, when it occurred to me:
Cutting your fingernails is uncomfortable.
Filing them? Even more so.
Which is probably why I chose to bite them all those years rather than actually manicure them as non-cannibals do.
Substance over style, people. Substance over style.

Also, Christmas is right up the road.
I'm so freaking excited.
I actually get to go home for Christmas day and open presents with my gorgeous sister and my renegade brother. Plus, I really like presents.

Like I've done every year since I've been biting my nails (which, as we just learned, is a long-ass time) or perhaps even longer, I've made a Christmas list. Mostly for my Mom, since Gramma kind of has her own gift-giving style (read: cards with other grandchildren's names on them, flair pens, and appliances from the Huntley Goodwill) and also because I'm pretty convinced that no one else really cares.

So, Mom, if you could find a way to let Mr. Santa Claus know that it would be just fine if I received the following items under our tree Christmas morning. Especially so I can rub them in Joey's face when he gets coal and athletic socks.

-This necklace (it's at the bottom).
-This ring. Since I left the one I had in England. Really, anything from this store. It's all pretty super. ring size is a 7 1/2 or and 8, due to the fact the I inherited your mother's fingers.
-An easel. For which to paint upon. (Daddy can build it, just ask him)
-Some new kick-ass knives for my kitchen because my current would barely be able to take on a stick of butter. No joke. I'm a pretty big fan of these right here. But, you know...whatever.
-NETFLIX. Please oh please...
-A subscription to Newsweek or Time or maybe Glamour (there, I said it).
-A new laptop. Like that'll happen.
-I could also really get down on some new dishes. No joke. I'm kind of in love with the "plum" color from Fiestaware.
-For some reason, I've always wanted a kimono. The teal one would be SUPER.
-Boots like these, except for not these because they're a little expensive. And by little, I mean very.
-Books are always good.
-A really nice copy of The Wizard of Oz. The original children's version.
-Your usual fare.
-World Peace, amen.

As for the rest of yous (Molly and Marie), your loving kindness is all I want for this festive holiday season.

And shoes.
Lots and lots of shoes.

No comments: