Monday, October 12, 2009

Every new begining comes from some other begining's end

Umm...did I just quote 90's alt-rock in my title?
Why yes, I believe I did.

Lately, I have been thinking about change; my life, I feel, is at a precipice. My whole world is about to do a back-flip and will undoubtedly result in something much different than what I have existed in for the past few years of my life.
Terrifying? Absolutely.
But would you believe me if I told you I was excited about it?
As a part of this turning point in my life which is both hypothetical and literal, I have found myself morphing into a person who literally craves change. I want new experiences, fresh perspectives, and unexplored feelings.
Does this possibly explain my shopping addiction? I think it may.

If we're being honest here, I think that despite my other proclivities this sentiment is particularly well-adjusted. There are people who live their lives in one perpetually stagnant point in history, and never progress. There are people who are afraid to know anything different, even though difference is an organic process and not something synthetic and foreign. We are meant to change, as human beings. And consequently, the world around us is meant to do the same.
There is something comforting and lovely about nostalgia, but there comes a point in everyone's life when their current state of being simply stops working- it no longer gives us what we require. That is the point at which I dwell right now. I am on the cusp of an "overhaul", of you will. I need a change. I need many changes. I need them to become the person I want to be, someone who lives to the fullest extent of their ability. The idea of change and progression within myself makes me feel healthier, more alive.

As one might have guessed, I was not always this cool.

When I was about 8 or 9, my parents decided that it was time to reupholster the dining room chairs. Which would probably not phase any normal child, nor would a normal child notice such a trivial and aesthetic change when there are more important things to be conquered like Barbie weddings and learning how to color inside the lines.
As you may not have guessed by now, I was not a normal child.
This suffices to say the particular change in discussion did not sit well with my 8 year-old self.

In fact, I had a complete and utter meltdown.

Apparently, aside from not being a normal child, I was also a child who did not cope well with change.

Exhibit A:
When my parents got a new microwave? Devastation.
When they got a new stove? Catastrophic.
When I came home from summer camp and there was not only a new couch in our living room but also a new cat sitting on said couch? Full-on nuclear annihilation.

So the new upholstery? May have been a bit of a problem for me to process.

In this situation, I proceeded to do what I did in every situation wherein my mother was too busy being a mom and didn't have time to by my psychiatrist: I hit #1 on my speed-dial and called my grandmother ( didn't have your own speed-dial when you were in elementary school? Loser). I then proceeded to dissolve into an 8 year-old-sized puddle of tears as I imparted the total audacity of my parents and the fact that they thought it was appropriate to bring NEW FABRIC into MY HOUSE.

So my grandmother in a fit of genius (or boredom...that's her main motivation for everything she does) recycled the old fabric from the dining room chairs and turned it into a doll for me- a doll with blond hair, a beautiful dress, and violet eyes. Yeah, she's pretty awesome. Not surprisingly, this quelled the storm.
And, because she's and equal-opportunity enabler, she made my brother and sister a turtle and a cat out of the same fabric.
Side note: I think it is of great relevance that you all know my sister named her cat "Special." Special was friends with Janie's pet goldfish, "Heavy." I couldn't even make this stuff up.

Although this little project was, in reality, probably just to shut me up, I like to think that she was trying to offer a lesson for the future.

Dwelling in the past feels safe and comfortable. We, as human beings, mentally relive moments in which we were the happiest, and try to re-create those circumstances in hopes of capturing those feelings once again. However, change is a natural progression and an important part of our evolution as human beings.
Change is good.
Change allows us to grow.
And, as long as we respect the lessons of our past experiences and preserve them so that they may be carried with us, we can use those instances as as points of advancement within ourselves.

My parents have since gone through three additional sets of dining room chairs, several new couches, and totally remodeled their kitchen.

And you know what? I'm totally fine with that.

But I still have my doll.