Sunday, April 19, 2009


I love our new apartment.
I really do (pictures coming soon).
It's very pretty and brand new, not to mention a hell of a deal rent-wise.
Also: Bryan and Lara are moving RIGHT NEXT DOOR.
Supreme awesomeness, yes? Well, almost.

You see, there are some issues with our new apartment, some of which I've discussed before. The screen issue has been amended, the air conditioning one has not. Which is okay at the moment, since I'm still rocking the heat set at 70 (because that's as high as Blake will allow me to set it) and about five blankets when I sleep. Thus, I do not consider this to fall under the category of "pressing."
What I do place in that category, however, it the complete and utter infestation of SPIDERS that have invaded my dwelling.

Which is so not okay.

I am not a sissy. Really, I'm not.
I like to camp and be one with nature and shit. Really, I do.
When I fish (which is not often, trust) I can bait my own hook. Really, I can.

But things that crawl on me without my permission are, in a word: unacceptable.

The other night as I was laying in bed and Blake was brushing his teeth, he came in the bedroom (which is actually the office but is currently being used to sleep in because we still need to move my bed from the old place to the new place...convoluted, I know) to say something to me with a mouth full of toothpaste. Instead of instituting the intended conversation, his eyes darted to the wall above me, grew to the size of Wiley Coyote's right before Roadrunner dropped an anvil on his head, whispered "don't look up", and exited the room.
So what did I do?
I looked up.
Of course I looked up.
Wouldn't you look up?
Except I really wish I hadn't.
Because about two feet above my head was some sort of creature with approximately 5263 legs and all sort of grossness.
I, of course, froze in fear (I chose not to scream because we've got neighbors and I'm polite like that) until Blake returned with a wad of Kleenex to dispose of the freakish beast*, at which point we discussed how it could've entered the apartment and the possibility of it's friends following suit.
This did not please me.
*He also plunges toilets. I think I'm in love.

Granted, our unit is "garden level" (aka half basement), so creepy crawlies are logically more apt to finding their way inside than they would be in apartments that are totally above ground. However, as I mentioned before, it's also brand new. This means that there should be no cracks in the dry wall or foundation, and therefore a very slim chance of outside intruders. It was during this conversation that we made a discovery: an uncovered electrical outlet on the ceiling. Perfect portal for arthropodic foes.
And don't try to tell me that the cats will protect us. Presley is fat and lazy. And Kitty is way more interested in her catnip mouse than defending me from insect attackers.

Needless to say, I felt like I was being smothered by bugs all night.
It was like a bad episode of "Fear Factor."

And then...
As I was typing this post a few minutes ago, I happened to look up (what is it with me and looking up? Why must I always look up? Ignorance used to be such bliss) and saw another enemy...spider this time...chilling out on our ceiling.
Naturally, I enlisted the aid of my former defender, who told me I would have to wait until he finished the game of Halo he was tied up in.
So valiant, he is.
It was during this waiting period that the spider decided to shimmy down it's little thread...directly into the ceiling fan.
It never knew what hit 'em.

Now, there are either spider guts all over my bed, or a very pissed off and possibly paraplegic arachnid lurking somewhere in the dark corners of my bedroom, plotting his revenge.
Tonight is going to be awesome.

Edit- I went to climb into bed (heavily medicated, of course) just now, and discovered this hiding underneath the covers:Shortly thereafter, I went to the kitchen to get a glass of water in order to calm my nerves, and this was waiting for me in between the refrigerator and the wall:

Blake wants everyone to know that it was the best $1.99 he's ever spent.
Previous statement of love and adoration = retracted.

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