Overheard.

Dad: You're doing it wrong!
Mom: You are NOT foreman of this house, sir!
Dad:...you're still doing it wrong.

Another Awesome Dad Quote

"So if you're too drunk to drive home tonight, make sure you call a cab. I don't have money for a DUI this month."

Classy.
That's just what kind of family we are.

Political Correctness.

While watching "The Little Chocolatiers" on TLC...


Me: I really feel like this show is a poor man's "Ace of Cakes."

My Father: Why?! This one has midgets!

Yes.

This post brought to you by: my father, Champion of the Underdog.

Ruth and Ray have a conversation

Making pancakes...

Dad: How much batter should I make?
Mom: Well, look at the recipe. How many does it yield?
Dad: Yield? What is this yield business?
Mom: It's a cooking term.
Dad: Yeah, but it's the kind of thing that gets written at the end of a recipe. No one actually uses it in real life.


Discussing their new fireplace, a little while later....

Mom: So, have you talked to anyone about how to do the gas fittings?
Dad: Nope. I'm just gonna wing-it.
Mom: What happens if you blow yourself up? More importantly, what if you blow us both up?
Dad:Well, if that happens....then we've yielded three beautiful children. They can collect on the life insurance.
Mom:...
Dad: You don't trust me, do you?
Mom: After 30 years, I've learned to trust you. But when you say things like that, you don't always convince me.


I run to the computer, and furiously start typing their conversation, because I'm convinced that Molly and Marie will think it's hilarious...

Dad: What are you doing?
Me:...definitely not typing a transcript of the conversation you just had...
Dad: Jeez! Is anything in this family private anymore?!

Apparently not.